#for the record i shouldnt have been lmfao

[skenpiel]

ok so that erm impromptu birthday celebration was fun but also. maybe some of the weirdest shit thats happened 2 me in awhile im gonna have to go through it all in order. first off it was at an irish pub and my uncles friend was like. a friend of the owners and he was irish so everyone was switching between languages all the time..... then i met my uncles mom (not the same as my grandma for the record) who IMMEDIATELY went "oh my god is your liver okay?????" and i was like ????? what do u mean. she was like all those painkillers you swallowed!!!! and i thought she was referencing an incident from a couple years ago and was like oh that was a long time ago im fine now haha. turns out she was talking about sometime when she babysat me when i was a TODDLER and i guess i somehow swallowed pain meds???? and she was like. still super worried about that even though it wasnt even a dangerous amount of medicine so like. lol. but then we got to talking and she asked about what i wanna be when i grow up.. i was like ohh i dunno im mostly just trying to finish school first and foremost. then we SOMEHOW got into talking about astrophysics (subject i love very much) and she got more excited than anyone i have EVER MET about that. she was squealing and stomping her feet and clapping her hands and rushing over the table to hug me and THANKING GOD i was like ???OK!!!!!!!!!??. and she leaned over to her friend and whispered, completely serious, "we need to bring her to the woods. satima, dont you think we need to bring her with us to the woods???" and Erm i guess it turns out they have hippie ass drum sessions in the woods and im apparently invited. she went on a whole spiel about how i needed to open my third eye like completely fully serious too. "your brain and intellect has invaded your third eye, you need to learn how to balance them..... here have some more wine btw". on the way back i found a dead mouse on the ground and then it turned out it WASNT DEAD and was STILL MOVING but seemingly near death and everyone gathered around and was like ohhh it feels so horrible to just leave him to die slowly like this :( and i was like. well does anyone have like a big rock or something then. i scooped it up in some box i found on the ground and moved it to the side of the road and this drunk ass irishman started talking about all the various animals thatd bitten him and how he was lucky to be alive after having been bitten by a rat. i was like. ok big pat (his name. also everything we ordered literally went to his tab, it was unreal) im sorry to hear about all your animal mishaps. he just went "ahhh they dont mean to bite ya they get scared but you shouldnt touch em" like yeah bro way ahead of you 👍. anyway this is a long ass post but everyone was SO WEIRD it was funny to watch. oh and by the way my uncles mom (the shaman lady because she apparently also works as a shaman) told a story about how she got in trouble while babysittig me once to the point where HER DAUGHTER had to scold her because she BIT MY HANDS. as she talked about it she was holding my hands and was like i just couldnt help myself they were so small and cute ^__^ i just wanted to GOBBLE THEM UP!!!!! at which point she brought my hands to her mouth and imitated gnawing sounds. like. ok so um. this lady BIT ME when i was a baby.....? and now she wants to bring me to the woods so i can open my third eye...??????? shes sami btw but she seems to be Erm sort of all over the place in terms of culture and religion. lmfao. annnnnd now im going 2 bed Bye 4ever

[steponmepinkjun]

THATS WHAT IVE BEEN WONDERING! maybe its cause i dont look a day over 13 and im 5'2. idk. i think everyone stopped being scared of me when i stopped clawing bitches in hs. maybe i should grow out my nails again... LMFAO i was feral fr. nah but when ppl tell me i talk to much i get more upset and less angry and wanting to ruin their life bc my track record w keeping friends is so bad my brain has convinced me it's a me problem and something i genuinely need to work on so i shouldnt hold it against them. it keeps me from sending them 6ft under but i still do hold it against them. like yes jade i remember every single little off comment u made to me in 8th grade. tbh looking back on it it's probably because i still wanted to be friends w them that i held back. the bitches who Really crossed me and i lashed out at, never recovered. i was deadass aboutta jump a bitch on the way home from work the other day for smth he did three years ago. guess i really am a scorpio LMAOOOO too bad im leaving the country i wouldve loved to knock his lights out -felix bi anon

My philosophy on yall shorties has always been this: the shorter they are, the closer to hell. Do NOT fuck w a shortie they will slice your achilles tendon and then go back to their iced coffee like it twerent no thang. Mess w someone under 5'5", they will burn your house down right after they ask for your help reaching the snacks on the top shelf 😂 IT IS NOT A GAAAAAME HOMIE 🤣🤣 anyone who thinks that shorties can't fight has never gotten an uppercut to the jaw from someone who looks like they should be on the schoolbus but harbors the fires of hell inside them at all times. Not a joke, just a fact. I promise you though it's absolutely not a you problem, I know it's so hard to overcome that mindset because we're constantly confronted w the fact that we live in a world that is not designed for us to thrive in, but it's not a you problem, some people just fucking suck. If I had a boring ass NT brain I'd probably be mad as hell that someone had so many cool things to talk about too, when all I had was a regurgitation of whatever mainstream news was out lately 🙄 If I wasn't easily able to juggle six topics and storylines at once during any conversation I'd be mad too 🙄 If I was the human brain equivalent of flat soda I'd be mad too 🙄 Scorpios do be ruuuuuthlessssss tho, straight out the jungle type ruthless 😂 that's what I love about yall. Yall don't miss, yall don't even play. Your shooters a scorp, they stay hot 😂 But I also really love the fact that Scorpios are so feisty and petty because they are deadass the most loyal fuckin people you've ever met, they've always been through shit and have been hurt and their heart is locked away behind all the walls all their past betrayals built. But if you stick around, put in some elbow grease, show you're a real one? Get past those walls? Actually get to touch that heart that theyve kept so soft and so tender, away from all that damage? They'll never leave you, never ever, theyll never dream of going against you or betraying your trust. They'll ride out for life. You gotta work for em, but they're worth it. And if you finally earn that trust, and then betray it? You go back on a scorp once they've allowed you into the triple-decker high-end-security vault that is their heart? They NEVER forget. They might forgive you, sometime 80 years from now, at your own funeral (which they showed up to looking hotter and more successful and more unbothered than anyone else), but they will never forget. Scorps are soft and extremely sensitive under that exoskeleton. Under it all, they're as soft as a scoop of strawberry ice cream melting in the summer sun. Softiest, sweethearts, good, loyal friends, protective as fuck, scary on the outside but only bevause they have reason to be. Every person I've ever fallen in love with has been a Scorpio for that reason, they fuckin get it. I ain't never had my ass checked quicker or more thoroughly than by a Capricorn, and I ain't never been whipped into shape faster than by an Aries lmfao you're swimmin in it, you're golden, boo. MY ass however hoooo lawd jeebus, I got the taurus moon (sounds of projectile vomiting) which is why these boys easily control my emotions from their fuckin dorm that don't even got a proper curtain rod 😂

[unioncityrecordings]

there’s also that 2013 interview where hooky talks about owning a joy division dildo and when asked what he does with it he said he used to use it on bernard djsjddkdk. and he literally quotes his wife in his book “my wife says i’m obsessed (with bernard)”. barney is a desirable twink.

LMFAOOO OH GOD I FORGOT ABT THE … UNKNOWN PLEASURES THING I HATE HOOKY’S ASS…. THAT QUOTE FROM HIS BOOK TOO!!! HE LITERALLY IS SO OBSESSED WITH BERNARD ITS CREEPY!! I think in hooky’s case it is a mixture of envy/jealousy and resentment.. iirc in his book he blames bernard for not wanting to tour, and that if NO toured more they would’ve been as popular as U2… which isnt true for many reasons. LMFAO

I think he was pretty mad too that bernard got the gig/role of lead singer and didn’t like the spotlight/was reluctant to really… take advantage of it so to speak? and jealous of bernard’s talent as songwriter tbh… but besides that yes god bernard literally is a very desirable twink and also just an irl baby animal he is so cute. everyone just wants to kiss and hug him sjsdldkjfs!!

literal irl :3 emoji omg…. as an aside, I probably sound like a bitter ass with some weird fucking grudge against hooky and I might’ve not a great job explaining it well on this blog in the past so I’ll add a very long post under da cut (it shld be in a read more sorry mobile users if its not!!) 

My feelings about hooky are so negative for two reasons mostly because his book is full of undeserved negativity towards gillian especially (misogyny literally lol) and a few below the belt shots at bernard (not about bernard being a whore  but other things abt his family) and hooky’s own complaints at bernard’s style of singing/writing his own lyrics.. this is i think where i am unlike some NO fans probably bc its just a matter of taste? I think bernard is really underrated in some respects and doesn’t always get the respect/recognition he deserves for how talented he is (i have heard hooky = NO so many times but not the same about him :,( ) 

i think bernard has a really beautiful voice and he does really really amazing things singing melodies both live/on record (harmonies on try all you want on electronic s/t, the variation on the last verse of BLT ��94 edit both come 2 mind… ;~~;) and imo the lyrics were good before but when he started writing them himself they had another touch to them… hooky has had some good contributions but I think revenge (his first side project) is pretty indicative of his talent as a songwriter (pineapple face.. wow) but bernard’s side projects/remixes shine w/ his personality/talent. hooky’s work in NO feels kind of. derivative of notes/riffs of guitar/synth bits so it feels lazy sometimes and suffered especially in the ‘00s but thats jus me

And not to sound like I have Lead Singer Disease (where your brain is so warped that you cannot See any other band member besides the singer), both steve and gill are rly talented, gillian especially doesnt get enough credit but that’s 4 another post! i went into it and spilled tea everywhere but i think its worth saying since i come off as maybe a bit biased and I also think about this a lot because I am active in NO groups on facebook/etc and get into fights whatever with old people… NO fans suck (me included) 

[groundramon]

🌟 Teen Titans or My Hero Academia 🌟

Teen Titans:

Character I first fell in love with: Robin was my first favorite character in the show.  But between Terra and watching the middle of the Trouble in Tokyo movie and later being EXTREMELY disappointed with the bullshit “oh it was just ink so its okay!!” trick they pulled when i finally watched it all (i know i shouldnt have expected anything more from a show but….HE SHOULD STILL DEAL WITH THE RAMIFICATIONS THAT HE HAS THE /ABILITY/ TO KILL, DAMN IT.  THAT’S INTERESTING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND PLAYS INTO HIS CHARACTER ARC EXTREMELY WELL. FUCK THE TROUBLE IN TOKYO MOVIE [I dont hate the trouble in tokyo movie tbh but IM FOREVER ANGRY AT IT] he kinda fell from grace.  He’s still one of my favorite characters though because damn, his arc in the first season is amazing enough to make up for my personal feelings about him lacking character development in other seasons.  He’s also a really well-constructed version of a trope to the point where he’s actually a proper subversion of the trope, which is ironic because the very thing that makes him so great of an example of the trope done well is sticking to the trope literally (he’s the literal embodiment of a hero focused only on their job, but he’s SO focused on it that it makes him a super fascinating and complex character)

Character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Tbh Terra??  Apparently somewhere I had heard that Terra was evil or had a sneaking suspicion because when I saw her first episode had recorded I was like *squints* but then I watched it and was like “….thats not what I was expecting Terra to be like.  Okay.” and then by the moonlight scene I had fallen in love.  I cried like twice by the end of the episode.  Have you ever been so overwhelmed with love for a character that you just cry because I have.  Also Starfire, idk she really grew on me in later seasons.  I could never hate her since she’s not a mean-spirited character but she did feel a little bland until she got more character development.  I’m still sad she didn’t get more character development, though; I’m still really confused about her backstory and if Teen Titans ever got a reboot (a proper, serialized one) the season better fucking be about Starfire (and the Terra cliffhanger too, but still) 

Character everyone loves but I don’t: Idk I like pretty much all the titans fine.  My least favorite would probably be Beast Boy but I cant even say “I dont like him” because he’s got so much wonderful development and depth to him for a trope that usually pisses me off.  I also probably dont like Raven as much as other people but she’s still one of my favorite characters.

Character I love but everyone else hates: TERRA yall are just spoiled with Zuko, SHE CAME FIRST U FOOLS (I could make an argument about what factors can/do contribute to the reason people hate her, some unspoken rules about fiction and others bigotry-based, but thats a post for another day and also not everyone who dislikes terra is going to dislike her for those reasons so…but tldr there’s an explanation for the common “i think she’s annoying” that stems from an actual unspoken rule about fiction so I actually in a way understand where they’re coming from)

Character I used to love but don’t any longer: I kinda already addressed Robin, but I still like him.  Also Slade because in season 1 I was like “holy shit this is a badass villain, I like him a lot” but then in season 2 he made me cry.  Fuck you slade

Character I would kiss:  Platonically or motherly? Terra 100%

Character I want to slap: SLADE

A pairing I love: STARTERRA IS??? SO GOOD?? its my rarepair and i came up with it and its mine…other people can have it too though thats fine.  Pls make my rarepair a not-rarepair.  Tbh that’s the only thing I really ship in Teen Titans; anything else is a “aw that’s kinda cute”, the ship below, another rarepair I haven’t thought of yet, or a “wtf why would you ship that”

A pairing I hate: I really, really dont like BBRae.  I dont know if hate is the right word because there’s nothing wrong with it, but….ghah.  I dont like ships that stick a quiet kid with an “annoying”/super talkative one.  Like I said there’s nothing wrong with it, please dont call BBRae abusive lmfao its not (contrary to many pairings of this nature, BB actually takes steps to rectify his mistakes when he goes too far with Raven), but I just dont like ships where one individual or both individuals find the other(s) annoying.  Idk I feel bad for Raven whenever the show puts her in situations where she has to be annoyed, I’d dare say she could have some sort of sensory issues besides just being an introvert and being an introvert with sensory issues myself I can tell you that not having down time and/or being around crying children is SUPER PAINFUL.  I just feel like both of them would be happier as friends and with partners that fit their personalities and temperaments more.

My Hero Academia:

Character I first fell in love with: Tsuyu, I watched BNHA mostly because of Tsuyu tbh

Character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Kirishima?? I looked at art of him before and he looked angry but he’s such a fucking sweetheart?? you’d think he’d be like conceited and angry and energetic and want to punch everything, like a less violent/cruel version of Bakugo, but he’s like the opposite?? I love him so much

Character everyone loves but I don’t: BAKUGO.  I’m sorry but your screaming son pisses me off.  I dont like angry characters

Character I love but everyone else hates: Tbh I dont know if anyone hates the characters I like?  Kirishima is underrated though.  Draw Kirishima in something outside of Bakushima you cowards.

Character I used to love but don’t any longer: Uhh I dunno?  Aizawa?  I thought he would be more charmingly pessimistic based on tumblr posts than he actually is, and I just found him to be needlessly cruel to his students in the show.  Like there’s strict, and then there’s being a jackass to people that you have legal power over.

Character I would kiss: idk, platonically speaking I just want to comfort izuku and/or izuku’s mom tbh

Character I want to slap: Hmm sometimes I want to slap All Might for never saying what Izuku really, really needs to hear but not always.  Otherwise Endeavor, hes a jackass.  Also Mineta would be here but slapping is not all Mineta deserves.  Mineta would enjoy being slapped by me.  He doesn’t deserve that.  He deserves nothing.  Not even oxygen.

A pairing I love:  HEY HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE DEKUSHIMA LATELY?  BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE DEKUSHIMA.  Honorable mentions: Tododeku, Tsuchako, The lion guy x the invisible girl (sorry too lazy to look up their names-), Iida x Deku and/or Todoroki x Iida and/or all three together and happy, and tbh Ochako and Deku is really cute too, mutual puppy love is my favorite type of overused romance tropes.  It’s so innocent and pure.  PS feel free to mix and match todoroki, deku, iida, and kirishima because honestly? they’re all good, esp polyamorous ships.

A pairing I hate: BAKUDEKU this one i can safely say i hate because like ?? What bakugo did is not fucking “playful teasing”??  This isn’t Klance or BBRae (which btw im tentative on Klance for the same reason as BBRare but Klance has improved in-canon a little so I’m more on-board now), the characters don’t share a mutual annoyance with each other that eventually blooms into friendship and mutual respect.  From what I can tell, in the manga currently, despite being quite a ways along in the story, Bakugo still doesn’t treat Izuku well even with him mellowing down a bit, and in his current position in the anime? Bakugo is straight-up an abusor of Izuku.  Making Izuku fear for his life/safety around him, regularly impeding Izuku’s own progress for no good reason, literally telling Izuku to die…is this really what yall want to romanticize??  You can say “oh but he’s nicer in my version of the ship!! uvu” but you still looked at an extremely toxic bully-victim relationship and said “hey, there’s romantic potential there!” and idk about you but I find that to be pretty bad and pretty much romanticizing abuse.

Thanks for the ask!!

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Its really mind blowing!

Literally a few nights before, I was deadass glowing from how good things were.

And I always liked things.

Waking up and going, "Oh hey, there he is. He's still got his arm around me and everything. He looks great sleeping", or looking at his eyes.

Soft kisses awake, listening to music while drinking tea.

Sitting ontop of his Prius, (yes, that's how he got those dents,) and looking at the stars and the skyline with eachother.

Ice skating, and helping me not bust my ass several times like that.

All these cute moments are kinda dead now.

On the bright side, it was a good run. It helped me move past the last few months easier than I would've, if going solo. :)

Sucks that my Christmas plans turned from "I wanna give him something special! It's so sweet he wants me around his family for the season", to "I'll just go face down in my bed, and maybe buy a few bottles of aspirin if I *really* wanna ascend into a Holy Night."

....I'm kidding, I wouldn't use pills to kill myself, lmfao. Nah. Foaming at the mouth or falling asleep are the most pussy or depressing ways to end a life.

Or at least, not the most ideal way to end my own.

THIS IS GETTING DEPRESSING, LETS CHANGE TOPICS BRO!

I'll just not think about the future, or the past.

Both will happen at their own pace, and I cant change that.

But what I *can* do, is make sure that I eat something today.

Otherwise, I will faint, and not wake up again until its maybe two days later. Or worse, in a hospital bed.

Objective for the day:

What should I eat that will make me appreciate life some more? IHOP sounds pretty good.....

Nice.

......I wonder does he still read my blog? I think its the only think I havent blocked him on. I never blocked his phone number, but I shouldnt be out here nervous, if we know hes never gonna respond to my voicemail either.

I had a dream the other night. I went to his house to get my fireworks and my candles back, and then just to not walk away and regretting anything, I said he could say whatever he wanted to me, since he has nothing to lose.

(I figured either telling me I was a dick, that he was upset at the breakup, or whatnot would be fair game anyway.)

All I remember is him doing that awkward (yet endearing) snort-chuckle he does when he gets flustered or nervous, and saying "Well, I did check your *blog*, and....-"

Then the dream kinda cuts off.

.........kinda sad how I wish that could happen.

Whatever.

Its too soon to think he'd want anything to do with me, and too late to change the past.

All I can do is say "Fuck you, Patrick, this wasnt my fault," and "Sorry for cursing out your stupid ass friend for intruding in my business, I should have at least waited a few hours, or until the next day to see if you'd be open to talking to me about the situation again".

Which usually loops back to "But I know you wouldnt change your mind or offer any resolution, and still want it all to go your way or the highway, so Fuck you, Patrick, you absolute asshat of a person."

And then I feel alright.

.....stop procrastinating, me! I'll just end up sweating in bed all day and not doing anything. Do SOMETHING, you've got so much potential honey....

Write some more song lyrics, record a video, eat a meal; dying isn't gonna make that boy text you any sooner, or make the memories fade away any quicker.

I shouldn't feel this bad about leaving a relationship headed towards toxic territory, when he knows damn fucking well that he wouldn't feel even half as terrible as I do...

When hes the one who had chose what he chose.

2:27pm, stomach is kinda caving in. Sweating but not feeling okay enough to immediately shower, or else ill end up lying on the floor and letting the steam scald me or something. Then itll be hours, and itll get too dark to leave out.

I'll be alright. Just... forget he exists. Life has always been good. Think about your upcoming date with the other Patrick, and how good itll be to see him again. And your music and artwork. The things you want to create.

That's all. Peace out yalls, see yall later peeps. Imma go to IHOP, text laters.